Great Expectations…
Let’s be honest, we all have great expectations from life. A little bit of this or that, which can give you immense happiness. And, what’s of more interest to a parent than their child ticking all the milestones without a hitch.
I love it when my baby meets the milestones earlier than expected and get disheartened when a milestone seems to be taking time. A little part of me gets sad and wants to do a magic sweep to change things. Does reality ever work that way?
Baby M is about to turn three and there are things I am super proud of, whereas few that I worry about. The peer interaction has been reduced to zero as he has not yet started any form of schooling. And the evenings walk and visits to parks to play with other kids is also not possible. Is he learning enough as his peers? Will he be socially awkward when things are back to normal?
He can count and identify familiar objects. But, with color learning, we are not doing so well. The mother’s heart was so worried that I took him to an ophthalmologist. All, the clinical tests done proved perfect vision and the doctor’s word had me thinking. Do I have too great expectations from the little one to know everything under the sun?
I see 18 months old kid recognizing English alphabets or three-year-old writing numbers and alphabets. The kids coloring perfectly with no colors outside the line. There are unlimited videos which have inspired me to do activity with my son – the finger-painting sessions or DIY projects. These little activities are my way to make him learn while playing. Soon, I also realized that I have too many great expectations from myself too.
With the work from home culture, I was feeling guilty of neglecting my child during the daytime. He has no one else to play around and I cannot play all the time with him. Baby M has adapted with time and indulges in self-play. But again, great expectations!
I do not want to be a Tiger Mom and at times it’s tough to control the urge of wanting more. Overtime, you realize to let things be as it is, and child led learning is best. I have my own flaws and I am learning to be a mother!
Do you ever feel you have one too many expectations from your kid? How do you know when to draw a line? Share your views in the comments. 🙂
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130 Comments
Bhawna Shah
I am totally agreed that parents of today have great expectation from their children, sometimes they start comparing with other kids.
We as parents need to understand the qualities and encourage the baby, through this way he/she will increase the power of learning new more things.
shail
I do not yet have a kid but whenever I see around I can see that expectations from the kids to excel in every field is too high. Hopefully when I become a mother I can bring the change in my attitude and not succumb to peer pressure.
AnecdoteMomlife
I am sure you will be a great mother. 🙂
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Bhawna! I agree with you. We need to realize the potential of our own children and work around it.
soniadogra
It took me a while but I learnt where and when to draw a line. You aren’t alone.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Sonia for encouraging a fellow mom. 🙂
Pratikshya Mishra
We live in demanding times.. The constant societal pressure and competition is bound to make parents feel so too…
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks for visiting.
jaya1966
My daughter who is in the ninth grade loves Chemistry but hates Maths and is slightly week in it. This used to make me feel bad. But my wife who is a former Maths teacher has gently taken things on hand and my daughter has improved by leaps and bounds. The secret to improvement lies in accepting your child’s weakness if at all it is a weakness and trying to help the child overcome it without putting too much pressure.
Debidutta Mohanty
Times are too competitive as well as demanding but then every child is unique. Pressure can only worsen things the best is to navigate them in their field of interest .
AnecdoteMomlife
Very true, pressuring would only lead to discontent. Thanks for dropping by! 🙂
Ruchi
I used to be a topper kid under constant pressure ..one lesson I learnt was to let my child not be under pressure …and it has worked well till now
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks for sharing your personal experience. I can understand your situation to some extent as it happened with me in school life. But, I started relaxing in college.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thats a great example of good parenting. Recognizing the areas that need improvement and helping kids overcome it is a good way to move forward.
preety85
I can relate with you. I also feel bad when due ti work pressure I say no to play with my child but at times I understand that I am also a human.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thank you. 🙂
Parul Malhotra
Parents undoubtedly have great expectations from their kids but with time I somehow have understood that time is the best teacher and it’s important to let things be the way they are. If the kid enjoys what he/she does, they will surely become a better learner.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Parul!
Dixita Agarwal
Reading books on parenting helps us understand about expectations and praising . Good post
AnecdoteMomlife
Thank you.
Sweta
Parents weave their world around kids and want their dreams fulfilled through them it is tendency with every one but we should not forget that we as a parent are privileged to hover over them all the time You have penned your dilemma so well. Could connect.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Sweta for sharing your thoughts.
mummatalks
I always gve my kids tme. I’ve two kids and both of them had achieved milestones at different times. Some where my daughter was quick n smewer my son …. I gave them time. Btw, my daughter started proper talking at 4yrs n while I gave her tme n taught her hard , people around me were fretting while I had the confidence that she wld one day .
Amritha Srinath
I totally agree with your post here. We parents have high expectations from our kids, as we all strive to give them the best of everything. But, often we don’t realize that kids only need us – our time with them. Their expectations are simple, but we overburden them with our competitive choices and to show off the world, and to get appreciated from the world.
Instead, if we just plan our day and spend time with them, involve them in our life, the expectations would be equivalent to realty.
AnecdoteMomlife
Even I have seen that involving them in daily activities in the best way to be.
Harshita Nanda
Totally agree and empathize with you! we are bombarded by baby kobe on the internet and want our son to be a famous chef, we see another kids reciting the whole gayatri mantra and again want the same. It is the day and age of shouting to the world of your accompalishment.
Don’t worry and hold on to your baby. Have as much as time as possible with him and enjoy it without any pressure
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Harshita. Trying my best to me free from pressure. 🙂
Atulmaharaj
And if your kid isn’t able to code at the age of 6, he/she isn’t going to be successful. These apps are ruining their childhood and parents expect from more and more from them.
AnecdoteMomlife
That’s the latest fad. Coding is so hyped. As a IT professional myself, I find the whole situation funny with expecting kids to code.
Suchita
I think parents will always have expectations from their children. But what’s great is you recognized it and are trying to tame it. It takes courage to go with the flow.
My Words My Wisdom
The less expectations we have from kids as well as ourselves in the race of being best parent the life will get better for both and so wil be the parent child relationship.
AnecdoteMomlife
True, this is most healty way of parenting. 🙂
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Suchita!
Aarti Punjabi
Of course all have us have unrealistic expectations at some point.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks for visiting.
nooranandchawla
There are always bound to be expectations but if you have recognised this tendency yourself, that is very healthy and half the battle won!
writenlive
We definitely have loads of expectations from our children. We think the modern upbringing with plenty of stimulation and activities makes them smart but forhet they are afterall children.
AnecdoteMomlife
I concur with you, bringing every activity under the sun will only burden them. And, its better to let it go.
Princely D'cunha
Of course there are expectations.But we need to be mindful of the same.My 3.5 years speaks fluent English but I don’t force her to write alphabets.Its ok She will learn.
AnecdoteMomlife
Happy to hear thoughts from someone with kids in sameage group! 🙂
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Noor! Hoping will overcome the battle too. 🙂
practicalmumnupur
Yes! We all have great expectations.. but don’t forget that these are not usual times to be benchmarking your child’s progress. Also – he has received the most precious gift of your time during this pandemic, so take it easy Mamma. You’ve done well…
AnecdoteMomlife
Thank you Nupur for lovely words. 🙂
Puspanjalee Das Dutta
There was and always will be expectations from the next generation. It’s a human tendency. But how we handle it, is totally upto us
AnecdoteMomlife
Thank you for visiting.
aktal2012
Each mother has her own expectations from her kids but you seem to have got the realization where to give a full stop that is sufficient
AnecdoteMomlife
Thank you.
myworldwitheira
I think every parent has expectations from their kids and even I do, but never stressed about milestones. It’s normal for every kid to lead in some while fall behind in some but one fine day they will reach there in their own space.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Seema, even I have observed that things might take time. But all happens for good.
Isheeria's Healing Circles
indeed, i see parents today with very high expectations and they push their children incessantly, i wonder how the kids must feel under so much pressure. It is good that you have identified this and finding a middle ground
AnecdoteMomlife
Yes, we are all doing our best to find a balanced approach.
Nitisha Mathur
It’s good to have expectations from your kid. However, comparing them with the other kids is complete unjust. It’s very difficult to understand where to draw the line and let our kids just be.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thank you. 🙂
Srishti Rajeev
A very valid point about expectations, Also reactions to a situation, and feeling guilty about things not done. Well, it is a phase, and a mom’s life is a growing stage for a woman, and there will be a constant tug of war of thoughts during that process. The child will adapt to the situation, give him an environment that is filled with love, howmuch ever time spent.
AnecdoteMomlife
A great message Srishti. Love surpasses all!
Srishti Rajeev
That’s is true! Thanks for stopping by.
Haimanti
I feel expectations run high with the first child… We tend to forget that each child is different and the way they grow up is also different… I think this an Asian Mom trait! We gradually start to understand that we are expecting too much and that might have a negative impact on the child, we tend to become lenient… Being a Mom I understood that I cannot force anything… Everything has its own time and how much ever we try we cannot hurry the process! So take it easy… You are doing good and everything will be fine 😊
AnecdoteMomlife
Just the other day, I was discussing this with my friend. With first child, we are too careful as we do not have experience. Thanks for visting 🙂
Shweta Suresh
I am not a parent and I still have a long way to go. So I am not in a position to offer advice. But I think it’s great that you are analyzing it and adjusting your attitude. 🙂
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Shweta for appreciation!
momlearningwithbaby
Expectations are part of life but what matters is if the expectations are pressurizing the child, the urge of talent show off of their kids to others is what parents need to control.
AnecdoteMomlife
I so agree to this. With social media, its a race at times to show off and we need to know when to stop.
Neha Jain
Our expectations are too much. It is obvious. We need to understand that everyone uses his/her own pace. Patience is the key.
Arulmozhi N
I completely understand this view point as a mom many a time I find myself in your shoes
AnecdoteMomlife
Same pinch! We have all been here. Glad you liked the post.
AnecdoteMomlife
I agree too! Patience is virtue. 🙂
Myfumblingthoughts
Forwarding this post to my sisters who have kids. Thank you for this.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thank you.
mominprocessnow
I feel you… Though I don’t worry about milestones much. But yes I have worked upon on my schedule to give him all the time and attention when he is awake.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks for visting.
Blogaberry Foo
im not sure i have expectations from my kids but i do want them to learn and get exposed to various things so they are able to choose what they want when they are older.
AnecdoteMomlife
That’s a good way of parenting. 🙂
Tina Sequeira
It’s natural tendency to have expectations, but it should not overpower what the child’s dreams and needs are. There must be a healthy balance. #MyFriendAlexa #TinaReads
AnecdoteMomlife
Rightly said Tina. Thanks for dropping by!
Sushmita Malakar
Being a parent is not an easy task! Give your self a break sometimes – don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself keeping all the parental expectations from baby M. As long as you are aware of your actions, it should be good 🙂
AnecdoteMomlife
Thank you for the encouraging words Sushmita. 🙂
Doctor mommy
Thats so true. I just like to take it easy and slow. Keeping a keen eye on the childs health and milestones is important but nit at the cost of a load of apprehension and fear that something might be wrong with my child
AnecdoteMomlife
First time parents tend to worry a bit more. And, with time things settle.
vidhya29
This is so true!! I see my sister having too many expectations from the lil one. I try to stop her.
AnecdoteMomlife
Glad you could relate to it.
vartika
Totally agree with you, we expect, no matter how hard we try, its still there. However I am trying to change this and I think Im successful also as during my and my husband’s office hours, we dont focus on our kids and let them free play, I strongly believe it helps them grow in a better way.
aditi
I understand your point. In nuclear families, the attention of parents is limited to their children. We are constantly concerned about their growth and achievements. Such an attitude hinders the freedom of children.
AnecdoteMomlife
Hmm, yes to some extent the nuclear setup has made us more focused on children to make them overacheiver. I feel that having grandparents around is a blessing.
AnecdoteMomlife
Yes, letting kids be is the best way forward, they will learn from their own mistakes and find new things. 🙂
Ashvini Naik
A lot of today’s parents are outrageously ambitious about their children & that reeks of helicopter parenting, A big change of the mindset needs to happen.
AnecdoteMomlife
Yes, somewhere with time parents have started expecting kids to be all rounder.
Priyanka
I try to have realistic expectations from my daughter.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks for visiting.
Dr. Surbhi Prapanna
yes this is common emotion that most of us parents felt time to time. being a mom of two girls I had felt this thing so much during my initial years of motherhood but with the passing time and after gaining good experience, I had learnt that every kid has their unique way of learning and as a parent we have to wait and appreciate the things that they are doing in their own unique way. good post,
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Surbhi for sharing your views. Learning from experienced parents is a big relief. 🙂
bytetrails
I have 2 daughters and i just want them to be happy. No expectations , I have tuned my mind to that.
AnecdoteMomlife
Wow, that’s what I am also trying to do. 🙂
rakhiparsai11984
Yes we all have such expectations from our kids. At some point in time we put that unknown pressure as well on the kid to know more than his peers. But later on we ourselves realise how wrong we are in doing so.
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks for dropping by. The moment we realize it is the best moment to stop high expectations.
Vashi
I hope all parents do ask this question time abd again to themselves, for its fir the welfare of both to draw a line early in in life, as it often backfires in later life.
AnecdoteMomlife
Agreed, for a better and relaxed future, we need to adjust unrealistic expectations.
Neha Sharma
I don’t blame you, we all have been through this phase where we expect a little too much from our little ones. But the good thing is that you realized that it’s good to let it be and focus on child led learning which is a great feat.
AnecdoteMomlife
Happy to know I am not alone in this. Thanks for dropping by!
freemindtree
my only great expectation from my son is to eat his food fast.. baaki we had decided that we wont force him for studies but thankfully he is brilliant.
AnecdoteMomlife
Haha, that’s a big expectation for all parents. 😉
Archana
Expectations kills happiness!, I can totally relate with this when a blogging activity or my elder son’s assignments kept me occupied half of the day as a mother my heart aches for my younger one who learned to play alone or sleep , dad busy with his calls. But at the end if we parents are realizing it we will overcome the flaws for sure.
AnecdoteMomlife
True, it takes time and we all learn from our mistakes.
Neha
The first step towards taking a step back is knowing that you are expecting too much. It is wonderful that you have acknowledged it and are consciously letting baby M be
AnecdoteMomlife
Thank you Neha, I am trying to learn on the go and realizing that things are easier this way. 🙂
Lavanya
I think having expectations whether conscious or unconscious is human nature.
AnecdoteMomlife
Yes, that’s human nature and if we get to control it, then that’s the best thing to do. 🙂
Preetjyot Kaur
I seriously feel that it’s unfair to expect too much from your child. Each child is different and would reach different milestones at it’s own pace.
AnecdoteMomlife
Yes, even I agreee now to it after experiencing motherhood. 🙂
gemini1420
Indian parents and expectations go hand in hand… we always dream of great and big things for the child putting more pressure on him/her…we learn to be gentle with time…
Dr Bushra
Agree parents has many expectations from kids. But balance is the key. #dewreads
#MyFriendAlexa
Manas Mukul
I believe most of us when we were kids bore the burden of our parent’s expectations. The trick is to let them find their own space find their own calling. Let them discover what they are good at and what they love to do. Its not intentional but most of the times parents begin to live their expectations and aspirations through their kids, which never helps them and only increases pressure to perform on them. Nice thought stirring post. Keep the amazing work going.
#MyFriendAlexa #ContemplationOfaJoker #Jokerophilia
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks a lot Manas for speaking the truth about our generation. We grew up with expectations, if not from our parents, then the relatives would be ready to judge you. As a parent now, we are trying to avoid those mistakes.
Swiddle D'cunha
Too many expectations are also the cause of many suicidal deaths in teenagers.
AnecdoteMomlife
There has been a significant rise in teenage suicide, especially those giving their boards. Parents need to realize where to draw the line and be realistic.
ghazala786
Some kids are different, they take more time to learn and reach that milestone , we need to have patience . and consult a doc if required.
#MyFriendAlexa
AnecdoteMomlife
Thanks Ghazala, patience is the key.
Madhu Bindra
Parents have too many expectations from their kids. But to pressurize the kids into something they are not interested will just cause a burnout. There needs to be a healthy balance.
AnecdoteMomlife
True, we have to realize when to stop and its always a work in progress I guess.