Just one? None? or Another?
At onset, I believe I should specify this is going to be a rant post! This is the post for all people who like to take interest in other couples’ life. Especially, on how a couple should plan their family. If you meet any such people, then do share this post with them.
Getting married in India is not just one step, “society” plans all your future ahead. What you should do? Where you should settle? And favorite is when you should have children! Thanks to my stars, I was not asked this too much from my closed ones. But, ‘chaar log’ (nosy relatives) were very much interested in how we plan our family.
Having a kid or having no kids is the decision of the couple. They have to be mentally prepared for it. What’s wrong if a couple wants no kids? They don’t think they are capable of this responsibility so let them be. It’s better not to have kids, rather than regret latter. A child does not come with a return policy. I know couples who are happily married for a decade or more and have no kids. They are happy in their own company and living their life. There is nothing missing that they want.
Have one kid and the people would already be lining up to ask when you plan for another. And, it so happens, that these questions start before the mother even reaches home from hospital after birth of her first child. There can be whispers about it or some people are ignorant and ask you directly. Come on, give the woman a break. Let her heal and enjoy her phase of motherhood. What the couple wants or not is their personal affair and not open to public debate!
God forbid, if you are surrounded by too orthodox people, give birth to a girl child and they feel sorry for you. ‘Try again next time you might have a son.’ This category of people should be banished from society as a whole.
And, then there is an opposite set of people nowadays. The ones who ask why you are having another child? The usual stuff that’s thrown around is it’s too costly! Who will take care of kids? How will you take care of them? Yada-yada. Take a chill pill! If parents are having another child, obviously they have planned for it. They know how to handle things. And, if you can’t help them, then don’t interfere or judge.
For all the couples, a piece of advice is do as you feel with your life. Learning from others life experience is a good thing, but never get pressured into something you are not ready for. Having a child is a lifetime responsibility. One, two or none is all your decision.
Have you ever been questioned about your life choices? What do you respond to all the nosy relatives who make it their life’s motto to interfere? Do share your thoughts in comments.
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Ramblings of a first time mother and also a working mother.
In India all these decisions are taken apparently by the society – “log kya kahenge”types!!! Why it can’ be your own decision!!!
I so agree Tina! I have seen people being suffocated by “the log”.
All the time. This is something every Indian women goes through. Sad but true. Let’s just simply come out of this “Lag Kya Kahenge” fear.
True Parul, we should start from our homes and get out of this notion now.
Yes, this kind of unwanted unasked for advice has been going on for years.. we faced it decades ago and the next gen is facing it too. Strange thing is.. the people passing such comments or advice are those who may have resented getting it in their youth! Stopping by via the AtoZ master list. Good going!!